Want To Lose Weight And Keep It Off Forever? Be “Appropriately Selfish!”

Damn Tom! What a great article! Snaps to you for telling it like it is!

As we both know you are absolutely right. I have had clients that would put anything and everything above their exercise time. There is another issue going on with Oprah besides what's on the surface. She was a victum of sexual abuse as a child and there is some healing that needs to take place and her guru spiritual advisor can't fix it for her. the one she has rejected is the only one that can fix the root issues that are manifesting on the outside.

As they say in the safety announcement on planes...fit your own oxygen mask first before helping others!
Great post...and great to see you on twitter!
Silke

Hi Tom,

I tend to look at the topic of putting ourself first in a similar manner, but I use a little different wording. Personally, I believe there is a big difference between being self-centered and being selfish though.

Self-centered means to care for yourself first, doing things that make you feel good and offer an intrinsic reward. You are choosing that which is best for you. We must give to ourselves first, and make ourselves whole, before we can fully give to others. It’s just that simple. You cannot give what you do not have to give. We must be self-centered in order to live a fulfilling life.

Selfish means to try to influence others to make choices in their life for ultimately your own benefit, not theirs. We are being selfish when we try to control the path of others, even when we think we are helping them.

So I tend to say that we must be self-centered. In any even, no matter what terms we use, the point is the same, we must respect ourselves first. We must give ourselves the attention and care that we deserve if we want our body to function to its fullest potential.

Great post.

Sheila
http://livewell360.com/

Its just like that. When I put myself first in the list I am able to build and shape my body. But when I put myself somewhere in 10th position I lose control of my eating and training habits.

Sheila, thanks for your comment.

I agree - the words you choose color your experience so you have to pick the words that resonate for you, personally.

To me, self-centered AND selfish could both have a negative "vibe", if not put into the context I described above.

But when I add the word "APPROPRIATELY" in front of either, selfish or self-centered, then either one of them works for me.

Leaped out from monitor and slapped me around the face. Great words Tom! My thoughts exactly. But reading them from someone else wakes one up.
Thanks!

All the best,

Nathan

hi,,, Tom am really very thankful to u for having so much information,, i really don't know how to thank u... by the way these information are very useful and u are doing a very great job and i want to congratulate u for that.... am really very happy and thanks a lot...

Amen, bro. I am serious. Every since I put my training
over business my life has radically changed for the better.

Loved it! I have thought this about people many, many, times but have not been able to put it into words like you did. GREAT job!

Tom,

Very well stated. This type of advice is always in need in these crazed times.
Years ago when in my 20's I used to go to a country monastery in rural southern Michigan to read, pray, walk, and more importantly refocus and get closer to God by just getting real quiet and listening to that still small voice. I was much more spiritually, emotionally, and physically healthier.

Now in my 40's there are the incredible distractions of everyday life you described. I love to exercise in various forms and it is a good thing but too often I am getting stressed and eat too much and drink too much!

Thanks for the article. Hope others are benefiting from it too!

Robert

Hi Tom,
Every overweight wife/mother should read this email. It rings true!!

J a n

Thanks Tom. I really am grateful for your emails. I'm in pretty much the same predicament as Oprah but I am not putting myself down because I gained some weight back. Thankfully, I have put my emotional self loathing behind me. My best motivator is "positivity". At least that's what I like to call it and I'm really helped by your blogs in getting fired up. I think that's what people lack the most. Encouragement form others and from ourselves. I have a medical issue that gets in the way of me losing weight. But, and I think Oprah may be the same, nothing gets in the way of me taking care of myself except me. We become overwhelmed and we lose focus. Thank you for reminding me that I can better serve and love others when I love myself first. It absolutely is not selfish to be alive and healthy so I can can have the strength and energy to take care of others. Have a great day and thanks for the truth and the encouragement. Lele

I do put myself first..didn't for a long time but at the age of 49 I realized that if I didn't put myself first I would spend quite some time being unhappy, depressed and so on. My life has improved 10 fold in the 3 years since, went from a size 14 to a size 8, lost 15 pounds and the inches have melted away. It is through you & your peers in the fitness industry that I have learned to treat myself right. I cannot thank you enough.

Hi,
I have been reading your emails for a while now, and I think that this one is probably the best one written. I am an acupuncture physician, and I run my own business (which can be really time consuming). So everything in this article was very much true. I always try to tell my patients, that their conditions would probably get better if they would take care of themselves. With my job, I know that it is very important to promote good health habits as well. Thanks for the great article!

Hi,
In my busy life I often just skim my e-mails and delete before i read. Today I was compelled to read your newsletter.
It had a wonderful impact on me for numerous reasons.

I was having a bit of trouble with my motivation lately. Reading this this morning was a wonderful reminder to priritize myself.
It put things back into a healthy perspective. I am in the middle of creating a career change and have been "stuck".
Thank you for have written your clear and honest message, one I have lived but forgot.

Last year I had a friend ask me once how is it I stay in shape.
My reply was, " I make it a priority." I had found that staying fit carries over into every aspect of my life.

Again, thank you for the reminder!
from the heart,
cynthia

This is really great! I actually took a few paragraphs and printed them out and now have yet another affirmation. Thanks Tom!

GREAT E-MAIL!!!!! I love how you didn't focus on being skinny or looking a certian way. As you said, being healthy should be our main focus ... not how we look. If we are living a healthy lifestyle we will automatically look good! :)
Thanks for the encouragment and motivation!!!!!

Thanks for this newsletter. I just recently lost one of my closest friends. When he and his partner and I all lived in the south, I would take them to the gym and train them.

After we all moved away, I continued with my training (been doing if for almost 3 decades), but they stopped.

I was fortunate enough to visit with them both recently and enjoy their company. A week later, one of the 2 had a massive heart attack and died during open heart surgery.

A loving and wonderful man, he was only in his mid 40s and this loss was just too soon to bear.

If you don't take care of yourself - you're not around to be with and take care of the people you love.

Sometimes selfish really isn't selfish at all.

This letter is the best I have ever read. I thank you for taking time and making me realize why I never lose the weight u showed me the light (LOL.thanks I will see how it works out for me. Thank u

you sound like my 21 year old son
and to add to your message.....
go to the gym, go for a walk, get out and take care of
yourself and see what happens.......
you feel better.....and everything is still there waiting for you

the only way you really would miss out on something....
is if you didn't go and take care of yourself

yup the kid is smarter than me
he's right everything was there still waiting for me when i got
back

Hi Tom,
Thank you. I am 50 and feel like 70. Not enough hours in the day, working 45 hours per week, kids are grown up but still at home and I am finding it difficult to find time for me. My husband goes to the gym regularly but I just never seem to have time to do anything but the things I deem necessary and I am feeling very, very tired and drained. I have just made a conscious decision that looking after me is necessary. I try to do all the right things with food, vitamins etc for everybody but me!
This changes as of today!
Rhonda - Perth Western Australia

This is one of the best motivational articles I've ever read, Tom. Thank you.

You make a valid point but at the same time you don't! Lets face it, for a lot of people weight loss is about aesthetics not health. The reason why stupid diets like the grapefruit diet or cabbage diet etc were popular (or the any diet for that matter) is because people want to lose weight and look toned to be attractive. Fat burners are massive sellers and there is nothing about them that state that they enhance health or wellbeing, just to help lose fat!

Celebrity exercise dvd's sell millions because people think they will look like that person if they buy that dvd and do those specific exercises, not because they want great health, some people do, but we are driven by what we see, and what people perceive as attractiveness because we are brainwashed into thinking that the more attractive you are, the more successful and happier you will be. But, in a lot of ways thats true. If 'you' looked less muscular and more like an average person but still preaching the exact same stuff about health, you wouldn't have as many people wanting to know how to achieve a low fat body.

What you do obviously works but the fact of the matter is (and especially among young adults), having a fit-looking attractive body comes above health. Looking fit and being fit are two different things, being lean and muscular doesn't make you healthy and having a few rolls of fat doesn't mean you're a heart attack waiting to happen. Adopting a clean living lifestyle is obviously key and I love your texts, but the issue remains that most of us want to look great more than be healthy!

I want health because I know how it feels to be constantly unwell and tired through having celiac disease. I also love being somewhat lean, but I am a young woman who wants to stay attractive for my partner and would do things within reason to achieve that. :)

Leila, I hear you and agree with you completely -- Im a bodybuilder - Im all about "looking good naked"

AND Im about health too! We can value both - aesthetics and health - and we should because like you said, aesthetics will motivate most people more - but health needs to go above cosmetics when it comes to values hierarchies (priorities!)

thats why Im a STEROID FREE and drug free bodybuilder. My health comes first, and I put my training and nutrition at the top of my priorities list, even though my profession requires me to train for aesthetics

The point is the way most people's priorities SHOULD be and the way people usually rank them are totally bassackwards. health should come above aesthethics, but too often it doesnt. thats what leads people in my profession to abuse steroids and performance enhancing drugs. Thats a clear example of aesthetics or performance being ranked above health.

You've re-inforced my point exactly.

have a GREAT evening and thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it!

tom

Tom,
It was refreshing for me to hear these words out of someones mouth other than my own. I am constantly being attacked by my sisters, some friends, and even my husband at times for always watching my diet and not ever wanting to miss my work outs. But becuse of that, I look great and feel great; therefore, I am able to take care of my children, take care of my husband, and not worry about the heart disesase that runs in my immediate family. They do not like that I make it such a priority because they choose not to. I have been searching for the right words to use to explain the way I feel; and, I believe I just found them:)

Desiree Austin, TX

THANK YOU! I so needed this reminder. I've started giving in to the need to take care of everyone else first and I am slowly going backward. I lost 48 pounds about 2 years ago and slowly over the past 7 months, I've let 7 lbs. creep back up on me. I had to go back to work and I no longer have the free time to spend every morning in the gym. I'm stressed and constantly running. My body aches from lack of exercise and the temptation to eat less than healthy food, because of a hectic schedule, is at an all time high. I don't like how I feel or look right now. I HAVE to stop doing this and make myself a priority again. It begins now. No more putting it off.

i look forward to meeting you tom at a bookstore near me i hope.you look great and i know its gonna take some sacrafices to get to my goal.god bless

What a fantastic post....so absolutely timed beautifully in my life that I"m going to print it And put it in my wall at work.

Thank you Tom, I always enjoy reading your email but this one, this one took my breath away literally as I've had the exact week you mentioned. And to top it all off, it's my 35th
birthday today.

Thanks Tom.

Rachal

Smack on. I tell my wife this all the time. When a person is ill through no fault of their own (although I also think we contribute to ill health in many ways), that is usually understandable. However, when a person is ill
due to lifestyle or not being selfish as in your article, my point is, that illness does not just affect that person. It affects all those who must take care of that ill person and do the things the ill person usually does. It perturbs me to see people with an attitude of "it's my body, I'll smoke and eat and lie around all I want," but then when they are stricken with cancer or heart disease or a stroke, all their loved ones pay part of the
price, too. I have kids 25, 23, 10 and 8, and my goal is to make sure they are required to "take care of me" the least amount possible. I wear seat belts, I don't smoke, I do my best to maintain a healthy weight, excercise, etc. If they have to take care of me, it won't be because I flagrantly live
unhealthily.

So, the bottom line is those who don't take care of themselves are the
selfish ones, not the ones who take care of themselves.

Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuug

I'm impressed with what you have said... Great job!
From time to time, we do have to be reminded of how much we need to take care of ourselves first...
Thanks!
and Happy Holidays! :)

priorities...this is a great way to explain my workout habits.. a lot of people had been critisizing me becoz of my work out habits. they say, i have nothing to do but go to the gym..

but what they dont see is that i really couldnt function well as a person without doing it(workout) i mean i think i wouuld have a miserable life if i dont train.. working out makes me think better.. i can decide more efficiently further i could do my work better.

moreover, becuse i'm fit i can do more things at home ie. like play with the kids go out with them. coz my enrgy level is high. i hope my family and friends would understand me after reading your email..

thanks alot tom..
avid fan Rod

Hi Tom,

Thanks for the article. You are right on the money. I only did 1/2 hour of cardio because I dragged my feet this morining and had to be ready for a meeting at 6. Tomorrow, I will put in the hour to aid in taking off the 8 to 10 pounds I need to take off.

Walter

Hey Tom,
Wow! that is all I can say, I come from a family where Exercise really never has been a priority, actually it took me ages to show my parents what it really is, I started on my own, gym set, and Bill pearls workout texts a few years ago, neither me, my father, mother or sister are overweight, but I have had to constantly endure their quams about my choice of lifestyle, I love exercise, and being from Australia and having a gym in the backyard is hard enough without my family telling me I am vain, or that I Don't care about anyone but myself, at times, I cant help but think they are right, and I feel bad that I cook for myself and eat clean, enjoy building muscle and looking good or that I like to take time on my own to do my exercise and hit the weights in my backyard, I am not a fan of those crowded gyms, well, your article inspired me to tell my clients to read your article, because it inspired even me to say that "It's my life", even though it seem so locigal to look after yourself, it still casts doubt in the mind of the avid trainer sometimes, I don't do it because I "Have to", I do it because I "Like it", thank you so much, God Bless!

Thank you Tom!
Something to think about during Christmas.
First you've got to love yourself, then you're able to love others!

Thanks Tom your article is really wonderful, it is very inspiring, an eye opener, food for thought. I never knew being selfish can be liberating especially when it comes to health. No guilt trips from now on.

Excellent post Tom! I can connect with everything you've said. I tend to put others before myself but I think it's a way of blaming them too for my own short-comings. By putting them first, I assume less responsibility for taking care of myself. I think criticism by others can really sabbotage your efforts prticularly if you've been making a conscious effort to be healthy. I suppose persons who criticise others are too coward to assume repsonsibility for themselves; it's easier criticising someone else's efforts rather than their own. I think too that everyone wants to look good - why not? But I think that what is more important is feeling good; aesthetics will ultimately follow. I think I am most beautiful when I feel good. And feeling good is about being healthy, both physically and emotionally. Thanks for your letter. It has really brought me to the realisation that I need to put myself first...because no one else will :-)

Beautiful!

I'm going to print this for my mum. I'm always telling her to stop putting everyone before herself. But she insists utter selflessness is noble and good. It drives me crazy. Anyway, you word it so much better than I do, so here's hoping she'll get it!

Thanks Tom - You're a star!
~K~

Tom,

Excellent article. I like this one better than the prior post regarding Oprah.

So many of us but our job/employer ahead of our own health.

Thanks for the wake up call.

Excellent and timely. Taking care of myself is a gift to my family and friends. How many of us have spent our time/energy worrying, checking-up, gently (or not so!) nudging our family members about their health. By taking responsibility for my own health, I'm leaving them free to spin their wheels about someone else!

You got me...nailed it. I'm so glad to have received this newsletter because
I always come last. Always. Thank you for the wake up call.

Tom,
That was so true about having to take care of ourselves first! I am always telling my husband that when I say that I am heading to the gym and I sometimes get the eye roll. You know what I'm talking about, I'm sure. He works out too, but he says, "Wouldn't it be nice if I could just take an hour in the morning to work out," and I say, "Well, you can take half an hour or an hour. You work from home and YOU make your own schedule. Get up earlier than usual if you have to, but take time to work out!" There's always a reason not to, so you have to just do it. It's like your paycheck. Pay yourself first, then pay your bills. By that I mean to put some away in savings, then spend. Same with health. Take care of yourself first so you can take care of everyone else ;)

Thanks for the reminder. I forwarded it to my hubby!

Kimberly

Wow, Tom! I think this is a great article. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. They came at just the right time for me and I appreciate you!

Thanks, again,

Gayle

I enjoyed that article. Well written. Simple. To the point. True. But it's always easier said than done. So hopefully, as individuals I, we, can configure out how to accomplish the obvious and one of the most pertinent things in life.

Best wishes,

Kay

wow tom you must have been reading my mind. I was just thinking about the same things you just talked about. It is a must to put yourself first. I say this because for the first time in my entire dieting life I have dropped 31 inches and 27 pounds by putting me me me me me me me numero uno #1 before my entire family housewok you name it. I have in the past never been able to do that because I thought I was being selfish, but not anymore hooray and thanks for your support. Helen.

THANK YOU TOM, YOUR LETTER HAS GIVEN ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT. I GUESS I ALWAYS GIVE MYSELF EXCUSES WHY I CAN'T TAKE THE TIME TO TAKE CARE OF ME!!!!! NOW I SEE THAT IT'S REALLY SELFISH NOT TO TAKE CARE OF ME-THANKS AGAIN TOM-GOD BLESS YOU AND YOURS THIS CHRISTMAS SEASON

Tom,

This is exactly what I tell all of my current and potential clients. It wasn't until I made myself a priority that I was able to follow your plan and loose 45 pounds since January 2007. Thanks to following your program and making myself a #1 priority I have also found a love and passion for fitness and natural bodybuilding. I have never felt healthier or happier than in my life than I do now.

Your words are true wisdom, period!!

Great article Tom! You words really hit home with me as usual. When I made the decision to get healthy and change my life in 2003 it was to do whatever I could do one day at a time. I knew there were other people who had the answers I needed and the way that would work for me so I started searching and found YOU and some others too. Once the DECISION is made, the WAY will manifest itself. We just need to know in our hearts that are INTENTIONS are in the right place and ACCEPT and follow the advice that is given. Oprah helped me many times over the years in dealing with having been abused as a child and watching her continue to struggle and be the best that she can be. It stuck when she said, "Find YOUR Passion". Because of that I am now able to put the letters BSN, RN after my name. Because of p[people like you Tom I know what I need to do each and every day to continue to be in the best physical shape of my life inside and out. And because of people like Deepak Choprah and others I continue to develop myself mentally and spiritually. It is never about that 'one piece of pie' or the one candy bar. It has been about figuring out why I wanted it, how I felt eating it and how I felt after. I have learned to pay attention to my body and p[prepare ahead of time for the moments when I may be most vulnerable to 'pig out' and have healthy alternatives, healthy 'feel good' food or comfort food. I love feeling good, looking the best I can each and every day and knowing I am on this journey of my choosing for the rest of my life. And it feels so gooood. BTW I entered your before and after article 'story' thing a few weeks ago, LOL...Thank you Tom :) Barbara